UnReal Estate… Or What to Do When Oscar Isaac Becomes Your Worst Nightmare!

Hello my  Lovelies!

I don’t know if it’s the weird weather out or the fact that I am crazy-close to finishing Project Ur (thank you very much Warren Ellis for that spiffy term) or if it’s just the current zeitgeist of the city… but I keep having THE WORST real estate dreams… No joke! In them, earnest hipsters with neatly trimmed triangle beards, and ominous cats keep chasing me all over the city… and NOT in a good way.

Last night, they chased me right out of my apartment to a Westin and then to an awful Marriott with nasty bedspreads (sorry Marriott brand). The desk clerk there was also an Oscar-type, and HE kept telling me that I was actually booked at a boutique hotel called The Lucky (some ACE poseur in my dream) but I couldn’t ever seem to find it. It was like The Walking Dead, but instead, the Oscar Isaacs all had these credentials and liquid assets… And they were way better writers.

My BFF Ed (depicted here below in dog form–whose dog is this, btw?) keeps telling me…

ed

I need to desensitize myself to the Game of Thrones that is New York real estate by listening to this podcast: There Goes the Neighborhood and that it’s just like check-in at an Italian airport… anything goes! To this I say…

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Thanks for allowing the dream rant… and thanks to all of those who wrote in last week agreeing that we SHOULD INDEED have Neil DeGrasse Tyson as a write-in running mate! It makes so much sense, right??? But how do you get creative with housing in our/your fair city when Oscar Isaac starts to give chase with a cat in hand? Drop me a line 🙂

Ok, back to Project UR… even though it’s cloudy out and there are buildings… make sure to wear sunscreen and be nice to each other. (I swear, you’ll thank me later.)

XOXO – GG

 

The Best Business Card Ever…

Today, I am happier than a bird with a french fry.

And not just any old fry–mind you–but Disco Fries (with cheese & gravy!)

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My BGFE (best-guy-friend-ever) just gave me the ultimate business card (above) from a real, live SPY! I am completely adopting/adapting as it’s exactly where I’m at right now.

He also came over and installed a shower massage in my tub. I may never leave the house again 🙂

I just don’t understand why, in the 21st century, all showers don’t automatically come with them? They’re so necessary and pleasant… and you get SO LITTLE in NYC apartments. Seriously. I live in a stairwell for $2750–you’d think they’d at least throw in a handheld shower to make up for the fact that the bathroom is in the kitchen and I can turn my neighbor’s TV off with my remote. PLUS, now that the Mets are winning, New Yorkers everywhere need to be able to get in those hard to reach places…

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Gotta love the underdog. Go METS!!!

I’m also on a new project… very dear to my person because it’s cause-related instead of writing about the Kardashians… and how women now love Kim K because prego… she’s like the Hindenburg… just like the rest of us. Here’s a hint of it:


Lastly, and this is quasi-nsfw… I don’t know why, but these v-mojis designed by Erin Tobey made me so laugh-happy…

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I think… based on all those years of poring over Our Bodies, Ourselves… I’m bottom row center… Kind’a flowery. Which va-jay-jay are you? Don’t be shy New York 🙂

xoxo – gg