She’s One Spazzy Cat (who loves to A/B test)

So, I was thinking…  and yes, we’ve talked about this before, but you know how I really don’t like the title of my book that’s coming out on Nov 6th? That I wanted to call it SPAZ because, as a rule, even before I broke my whole face, I owned the forking-shirt out of awkward-nerd-girl. I was one spazzy cat according to most people. However, the chain bookseller data heavily supported us NOT calling it that so now it’s named after this blog. But I was thinking I could maybe-possibly be a little evil when it comes out.

Here’s my idea: I could sneak into bookstores with a bunch of stickers with the correct title… If I got in trouble for defacing my own book, voi-la…there’s some much-needed press and what a great story to tell my eventual grandlings?!

I’m not keen on jail—so Imma buy the books, put the SPAZ stickers on, and then slip them back onto the shelves. It’s my very own split test and then we’ll know for sure.

XOXO – Gotham Girl

PS… Yes, I did scream into an entire bag of Cheetos this week b/c of the patriarchy, but I’m better-ish now. Thanks for asking 🙂

 

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Happy 2017? More like…

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Yes, we’re all still in shock for a variety of reasons… The 2nd Avenue Subway is LIVE. Meanwhile, the Cheeto-elect with his chronic gaslighting and “fabbing” (a.k.a. telling really YUGE lies) keeps everyone in a constant state of dyspepsia…  Best take care to “Memento” your most basic civil rights while you still have them. (Thank you, Sam Bee)

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Millions may lose their healthcare. We lost so much between Hodor, Prince, Bowie, George, Carrie, and Debbie… And don’t get me started on last night’s untimely death of Mary Morstan…  Oh, what have you done to us, Mark Gatiss? Can’t you see? We all just needed a little brightness back in the world? And here you go killing off the smartest woman left on the show and making her darling husband into a cheating cad? Is nothing sacred?

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This year, in lieu of resolutions about ironic taco cleanses and wearing granny undies, I’m recommending a little art therapy, courtesy of an amazing comic illustrator, Gemma Correll (gemmacorrell.com) whose book The Worrier’s Guide to Life is coming out tres soon! In these times of uncertainty, maybe make your number one resolution about self-preservation. Behold… stickers!

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And if you are feeling too weary of the world, a book recommendation to hide out with under the blankets… Olivia Laing’s remarkable meditation: The Lonely City

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You’ll thank me later. Chin up, my lovelies… Resist and stay rad!  xoxo- gg

The Dangerous Girl’s Guide to Well… Danger

cartoon by the incomparable Allie Brosh

 Are you all holding very still?  Well, stop it right this instant!

Yes, it’s been a while… A two-month hiatus during which I undertook a death march of work with all the discipline of a randy squirrel.

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Now, nearly every corner of the planet seems to be on fire . A sociopathic Cheeto is taking over the country to a Queen soundtrack, and we seem to be collapsing in on ourselves like a big black hole of horrifying irony that would stump even Stephen Hawking. A small, dangerous world it is…  replete  with #FamousMelaniaTrumpQuotes…

Here in the city, where it’s hot as balls… I am happy to report that New York’s finest has finally nabbed a character known only as Poop Guy. Yes, this was a guy who recently terrorized New Yorkers (specifically those on the Upper East side) by running up to them on the street and shoving a bag of poo down their snazzy Outdoor Voices yoga pants and screaming, “You’re a shitty person!”

He was apprehended without incident… no gun violence to speak of… no choke holds necessary. A shrink at Bellevue described him as “F*cking deranged” (a clinical DSM-5 term, no doubt) and everything went back to being simply on fire–minus the scat.

Is this all we’re good for? Why do we continue to hold still and do nothing? I feel like this is exactly the type of thing Elie Wiesel (RIP our hero of bearing witness) would say, “No way, Jose!” to… Don’t you?

I have never been one to shy away from embarrassing myself in front of ridiculously accomplished people… from revealing my stockpile of sins, shortcomings, bad grammar and neuroses like a scantily clad magician’s assistant  (breasts akin to Shar-Pei puppies). I propose we start spit balling… bigtime:

Step 1 – Day Wine and Difficult People

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I’ll be back with more tomorrow. Dangerous times call for dangerously thoughtful measures. For now, let’s all try to use our own words and remember… “It’s not them. It’s you.”

XOXO – GG