Sorry robbers!! Of needful things, restlessness… and the marriage of keys

Between the heat… and healing, I am RESTLESS.


My entire being itches with a NEED to travel. Always changing and changeless, at least the city offers some consolation… some relief from having to stay put and learn how to say the word: “M’waaaaaaah!”

Stupid speech therapy.


I feel like I have hives… I have always been this way. Even as a paperclip of a kid… growing up in northern California, I’d rub my shoulder against the chafed earlobe of routine (like that scamp in the awesome film Life is a Long Quiet River)

… I’d tell my second grade teacher (who had an epic hipster ‘stache) that I simply couldn’t do last night’s spelling words… owing to the fact that our family was going on holiday to Brazil (a big fat lie)… and what with Portuguese having over 7000 irregular verbs (a big fat truth)… well, that was the real priority at this juncture… When people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I’d tell them Indiana Jones with a typewriter… So much for that, M’waaaaaah!

Of course, I realized the other day that if I am actually going to go anywhere this summer… I’d need to fix my front door. It hasn’t locked from the outside for over a year now. Don’t tell anyone. My neighbor had the same problem. It wasn’t hard to fix. I just dipped the key in olive oil and decided not to be in a hurry one morning. So, sorry robbers… You missed out on a really ancient iPad (seriously, the Commodore 64 has more juice) and some killer coffee stained Eugene Atget photography books!


To be honest, every apartment I have ever lived in here has involved a strange marriage of lock and key–some very specific, singular, long-term relationship of scraping metals… one borne of years of repetitive wear… of clicking and clacking, inning and outing, poking and prying. I really didn’t think much of it,  but now it’s fixed.

Entering one’s 4th decade forces a unique brand of practicality on a person… By now, you have figured out how to fix most household things like locks and fuses and garbage disposals… You finally learn your real bra (cock) size… 34 D??? Holy crap!!! That’s HUGE!

And suddenly, tiny house design seems awesome…


(I am obsessed with living small)


You’ve also figured out that your standard daily uniform is short pants, tall shoes and messy hair…


and with that… you come to covet very practical, tangible things… each very specific… the big, floppy straw hat with the 10 inch brim to ward off cancer-ish stuff… that the sugar cube is actually just the right amount of sugar for your coffee… amazing tinted sunscreens by Laura Mercier … that red Chanel lipstick is the only lipstick you truly need…  and  unexpected things…. like my friend Deb has these fabulous one-of-a-kind, handmade harem pants with elephants on them that I am so going to totally steal someday.

Maybe you even finally stop ass-shaming yourself… and realize things are pretty fine and dandy ass-is??

You may even develop some unlikely heroes…  like Isabel Marant. I love that her solution to getting a tan is drinking more carrot juice… completely charming.


I really do covet her life. Oh… this new book isn’t going to write itself… Pray for cooling rain dear Gotham-ites! Do a rain dance… in secret… if you must.

xx- gg


  1. Warren Weideman · June 23, 2015

    Good writing. Glad you are on the mend. Did you read what I sent last week..Text to Shanghai the fashion show we discussed? Hope to chat soon. Warren


  2. Jacqueline SaintAnne · June 24, 2015

    At least you’re Thinking of travel!

    Sequoias and crystal cave yesterday Redwoods and Santa Cruz today San Miguel Allende July 1 and Hawaii July 9th

    Summer is good

    Jacqueline Saint Anne Typo leniency requested



    • alisajones2014 · June 25, 2015

      Oh Santa Cruz is so delightful!! Lucky you!!!

      Yes, I THINK of travel (and try to convince myself of going places often). There is a wonderful word a friend taught me decades ago… it’s some old waspy expression I think… “journeyproud”… To say that you are journeyproud means that you are about to take a trip and while you are not yet embarked… your imagination has already left the building… it’s on the plane or bobbing across the stormy seas… already deeply immersed in the adventure you are about to have… more so probably than later… when you are actually on the adventure. As a consequence, you walk around doing completely idiotic, absentminded things like putting your house keys in the refrigerator… I’m doing this right now, but not because I am going anywhere delightful. Right now, I look like a plastic cup that has melted in the dishwasher… and am still mute…so I am headed back to hospital for another surgery. I was bummed out about it, but I’ve decided to make it fun… somehow 🙂


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