Snow-mageddon starting to make you feel a little like The Shining?
Cartoon by the amazing Allie Brosh – hyperboleandahalf.com
I’m right there with you. Here’s a plan to get un-crazy during the winter of your discontent…
Speak Easy. No, I’m not talking about slurring your words. I’m talking about the speakeasy bars of yore. Those special underground, secret places where only the trusted were allowed entry.
Nowadays, there are many in Manhattan, but my favorite is The ship.
One thing I love about The Ship (besides the fact that you could walk by its simple black door a thousand times and never notice it’s there) is the people. By and large, they are smart, funny and perfectly imperfect. All desirable traits in a boy or a girl because at a certain age, you no longer want a sweetie with washboard abs or granite booties. Instead, you want things proportional–a sort of mutual decay you can both tolerate and rely on. The Ship has these people. Duck in (literally) after work for a Manhattan. Linger for only one–as you will soon be sailing on.
(And even if you don’t live in NYC, every town always has some place special like the above)
We’ll always have Paris. Next stop, Balthazar, the Frenchiest of French bistros. Have the oysters, straight off a mountain of shaved ice, accompanied by a glass of Montrachet. If Montrachet is not an option, go for a Sancerre. Then… time for a Beef Cleanse. You heard me right. Order the fabulous, mostly microbe-free Steak Tartare–sculpted uncooked hamburger with a raw egg on top. Sounds gross. SO delish. Follow this with the Steak Frites and live it up–go rare. None of this medium well garbage. Pair it all with a deep red and belt out some UB40. You know the song I’m talking about 🙂
You Sexy Mothertrucker. At this point, you want to fall sleepily into a cab and make for Arthur’s Tavern–a dive jazz funk-ish bar on/or around Grove Street. Don’t expect Coltrane or Django. Instead, request Prince’s classic–Sexy MF. Ignore the “No Dancing” sign and get up and grind with a stranger. Your face will ache from smiling so much. No more than one 7 and 7 though… or you will be anyone’s and this is never a good idea.
The Ultimate Hangover-Before-You-Have-a-Hangover Remedy. Celebrate the fact that any week can be National Poutine Week. Partake of this wonderful Canadian dish made up of French fries, gravy and squeaky cheese curds. For this one, Uber it to Brookyln to The Mile End Deli. You’ll thank me later…
Next Uber it back to Gotham–either with a loved one, or trust your gut and go solo. Again, you’ll thank me.
Morning Sunshine. The next day sometime around 11 am, stumble out your door and, for a brief moment, let yourself be cold. Then go see something beautiful like this… and kiss the winter cray-cray’s goodbye. XOXO – gg